Identity Crisis: Let's take a drive!

This weekend, our family ventured out to a remnant commissary and military exchange near Indianapolis. Fort Benjamin Harrison was closed during the 1991 base realignments, but still has a military presence in the area with DFAS, Army Reserve and National Guard Units, MEPS, American Legion Membership HQ and VFW IN HQ all located at or near the former post. The surrounding property has been redeveloped into a state park, golf course and residential neighborhoods.  You can even rent officer's quarters for the weekend.

Why did we drive over an hour to go to a small commissary and exchange when you can get similar items five minutes away?  Because "our kind" is there.  I can't explain it, other than we feel like we are among friends. I admit that I feel a certain sense of pride in flashing my military ID, which my civilian counterparts don't understand.

Whether I like it or not, the military lifestyle is part of my identity.  So many newly retired families try to assimilate to their new community immediately wanting nothing to do with "that life".  That is what we are trained to do:  adapt and overcome, but I urge you not to simply dismiss your military days...they made you who you are.

Was it a magical shopping experience with tons of military personnel on a fabulous installation?  No, but that wasn't the point.  As my oldest daughter stated:  I just feel at home.

“From this day to the ending of the world,

But we in it shall be remembered-

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers"

William Shakespeare

  

Harrison Village PX

Harrison Village Commissary

Former Ft. Benjamin Harrison Officers Club

Pulling the Ripcord

Are you itching for your spouse to retire?  Can't wait for the day you no longer have to put up with:

• Deployments
• TDY
• PCS moves 
• Mandatory fun 
• FRG and steering meetings
• Unit obligations
• Taking a number at the pharmacy
• Long commissary lines

This list goes on, and many of us relish the idea of finally cutting the cord with the military.  Even though it seems like the day can't come soon enough, I urge you to not go cold turkey.  There is a certain sense of familiarity and security in being part of the armed forces community.  It drives you crazy, but it can also feel like home.  Many retirees and their families enjoy staying connected to the military.

Ways you can stay involved:

• Join a local chapter of a veterans organization - Legion, VFW, MOAA
• Work at a job that supports the military
• Support or volunteer at your local USO, Operation Homefront or Wounded Warrior chapter
• Greet heroes participating in honor flights or volunteer at a Fisher house
• Stay involved with spouses clubs and/or their fundraising efforts
• Attend a welcome home ceremony or local Veteran's Day parade 
• Contribute to fund drives for troops overseas
• Contribute to a military-related charity
• Subscribe to (or follow online) military publications, such as Army Times, Military Times or Stripes
• Suggest a military appreciation supply drive to your workplace as a community outreach project
• Keep connected through social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter or Instagram
• Participate in a student veteran's organization if you are headed back to college

Maybe you were not into your spouse's career or did not immerse yourself in the military culture, but for those of us who did, retirement can be a grieving process. Staying somewhat connected can help ease the transition when "home is where the military sends you" no longer applies!

Where Do We Set Up Camp?

For the most part, the military tells you where your next location will be.  Sure, you may get to choose occasionally, but you are used to the PCS drill.  You make the best of the location you are headed to:  you research the installation, houses, schools, jobs, etc.  BUT, when it comes time to decide where to lay down roots, the decision can be daunting!  Most of us are so addicted to change, that residing in one location for more than a few years seems odd.  For spouses, the retirement location decision can be extremely difficult, because the move has always been tied to the soldier's job...and may still be.

Potential Options:

  

• Move back to home of record - i.e. we are from Texas, duh. 
• Move where family or friends are located.
• Stay near your current duty station.
• Move where the best job offer is. 
• Move to a region or country your family felt the most comfortable in the past. 
• Move to a region or country you identify with, but have never lived in.

Stuff to consider:

• Have you lived in the area recently?  The political and cultural landscapes may have changed over the years. Your own values, needs and wants may have also shifted over time.  
• Do you and your spouse hail from the same or different areas?  This can be an issue if you are closer to one family or another.  
• Are your family and friends supportive?  Are you trying to appease their desire for you to be closer? Maybe you have grown children who also want you closer to them. 
• Are there custody or visitation considerations for children from a previous relationship?
• Is there a major military installation nearby, or does it matter?  If you are used to all that an installation has to offer (medical facility, shopping, leisure activities, schools), you may want to make sure you are close to one.  
• Does the area take military retiree insurances (Tricare, Delta Dental), and is there support for veteran issues (Veterans representative, Legion, VFW, MOAA chapter)?  
• What are the schools like? Are there any military kids at the new school?  How diverse is the school's population, how open are they to new students, and how will credits transfer?  Military brats are used to moving, but it gets harder as they become more involved with friends, sports and activities. Does the school/area offer the sports and activities your children enjoy? Sometimes you don't know the culture of a school until you get there.  Meet with the administration and schedule a visit/tour with your kids.  Talk to parents of children that attend the school and look at educational reviews.
• Do you have a job where you are currently located, and will you be able to find another position if you move?  Will your certifications or licenses transfer, and what is involved if they don't? Sometimes you end up being the income "bridger" before your spouse finds the perfect fit. Maybe your spouse wants to take a break for a while or go back to school. Make sure you are on the same expectation page.
• What is the cost of living and tax structure for the area?  Are there unique perks for veterans and their families?  Special educational incentives, tax breaks,  and other benefits are state (or country) specific. You may be surprised by what the location does or does not offer. Indiana, for instance, has a state income tax and high vehicle tax, but has real estate tax reductions for veterans, as well as free tuition at participating state colleges for children of veterans with any disability rating (all retirees get one) after being a resident for three years.  Check out:  http://www.military.com/benefits/veteran-state-benefits/state-veterans-benefits-directory.html?comp=7000022779939&rank=1

• If you want to live in another country, have you talked with military expats in the region to find out what it is like to live there when you are not active duty?  The experience may be different for your family once you retire from the military.  
• If you move to a location ahead of time, will you have enough reserves to support your family until jobs are found?  Searching for a position from your current location can also be tricky, and you may end up settling for one job while until something better comes along.  Also consider if you are willing to have one spouse move ahead for a position while the other wraps things up.  A job might be offered, but kids may still need to finish out a school year.
• What is the housing market like?  If it is an unfamiliar area, renting might be a good option until you find the best neighborhood in which to build or buy a home.  Remember the changes in BAH and COLA allowances when you retire.
• What is the current job market trend for the area, and how is the competition?  Many companies say that they give hiring preference to veterans or their spouses, but getting a foot in the door (even with GS positions) is easier said than done.  Does the location you are going to have networking options for military families, or do you have contacts in the area that can help you secure a position?
• Consider any additional issues specific to your family:  a special needs child, health issues, religious or political considerations, homeschooling options, etc. Research what area will have the best resources and support systems.

This is by no means a complete list to consider when choosing a retirement location, but it can get you started. Many of us are planners, and want everything set up way ahead of time for the next move. Just because it is supposed to be your final PCS, doesn't mean it will be.  If you don't get it right the first time:  make another change.  Military spouses are the most resourceful and adaptable people I know!  My best advice:  lead with your heart and follow up with your head.  You got this!